Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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