I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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