i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
