I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
