No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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