if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
