Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
That accounts for only three of the penises
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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