Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
