Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
