The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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