I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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