I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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