zippers are such a cool invention
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
