Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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