would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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