Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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