THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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