so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
