i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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