Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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