i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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