you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
my poor anus
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
