Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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