Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
