dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
im holly from the hills drunk
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
