If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
