dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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