you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
