just tell him i said nine months
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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