So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
