if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
