I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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