3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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