Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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