I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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