How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
