you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
