currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
