So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My day in three words: secret purse cake
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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