And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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