I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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