I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
