I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
