I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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