Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
