I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
