Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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