Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
