Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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