He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
