I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
